Taking Control of a Challenging Situation

  • The rude comments your manager makes
  • Your manager’s expectations of you
  • The support you receive from your manager
  • Your response to your manager’s comments
  • Your expectations of your manager
  • Actively seeking out support from others


It’s clear that your efforts to meet your manager’s expectations are not being acknowledged. It is natural to internalize this as feedback that your work is not good enough, leading to self-doubt and low self-confidence.

  • What were the outcomes of the work?
  • Did the outcomes meet the goals?
  • If yes, what was it about you that created that success?

Verbal Feedback

It must be very hard to deal with the rude comments you hear from your manager. I don’t know the specifics of what you are dealing with, but can offer you this: while you certainly cannot control the words that come out of her mouth, you do have a choice in how you interpret and respond to her comments.

  1. What else might she be saying?


It sounds like you have done your part to try to understand and work towards your manager’s expectations of you. I’m curious whether you have explicitly defined your expectations of her?


It sounds probable that your manager is not entirely open to communication. Sometimes manager relationships are simply not workable. But now that you know exactly what kind of support you expect of your manager, you have the power to separate your needs from your manager herself, and seek that support elsewhere, from colleagues or teams whose communication style, values and processes you admire and respect.

In Summary

I’m certain that by focusing your lens on what is within your realm of control — your thoughts, your perceptions and your needs — you will feel the clarity and confidence you need to move on from this very challenging situation, and into one where you will thrive.

Now you are in the position to choose. And should you choose to work with another manager/team and leave (assuming the situation is beyond repair) you know exactly what value you bring to the table and can approach this from a place of power, confidence and choice.

I wish you the very best as you take control and create the professional experience that you deserve.



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Belonging in the workplace can be achieved when an individual can bring their authentic self into a context where they are accepted, valued and can thrive.